CHristmas Carols FF8 style
by water-lily43
Summary: The first one up is... the Twelfth Day of Xmas Sung by Zell... it isn't terribly funny but I like it. If you know who Celestine is, even better. Please read and review.
1. The Twelve Days of Christmas By Zell

The Twelfth day of Christmas.

For your information… Celestine is Zell's Guardian Angel. If you don't like the sound of it, you can change it to the original "My loved one", I don't care.

On the First day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Second day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Third day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Three Backrubs  

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Fourth day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs 

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Fifth day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Seventh Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Seven Cans of Pepsi

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Eighth Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Eight pairs of Sneakers

Seven Cans of Pepsi

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Nine Jugs of Whisky

Eight pairs of Sneakers

Seven Cans of Pepsi

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Ten Pounding Headaches

Nine Jugs of Whisky

Eight pairs of Sneakers

Seven Cans of Pepsi

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Eleven rolls of dressing

Ten Pounding Headaches 

Nine Jugs of Whiskey

Eight pairs of Sneakers

Seven Cans of Pepsi

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hotdog with all the toppings.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas Celestine gave to me

Twelve Battle Scars

Eleven Rolls of Dressing

Ten Pounding Headaches

Nine Jugs of Whiskey

Eight pairs of Sneakers

Seven Cans of Pepsi

Six Million Gil

Five Hic—keys

Four Combat Kings

Three Backrubs

Two Ehrgeiz Gloves

And A hot--dog with all the toppings~~~~~~!!!

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*Season's Greetings*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

What Zell said on the First Day (Hotdog with all the toppings):

"Only one? How stingy…"

What Zell said on the Second Day (Two Ehrgeiz Gloves):

"She should have given me knitted ones instead… don't girls give knitted things to their boyfriends to show their love and devotion?"

What Zell said on the Third Day (Three Backrubs):

"…… Needs more practice."

What Zell said on the Fourth Day (Four Combat Kings):

"Yuri already gave me the third one…"

What Zell said on the Fifth Day (Five Hickeys a.k.a love bites):

"……" (Blushes wildly)

What Zell said on the Sixth Day (Six Million Gil):

"I would have preferred a gold card instead.…"

What Zell said on the Seventh Day (Seven cans of Pepsi):

"I only drink Balamb Garden Cafeteria Soda…"

What Zell said on the Eighth Day (Eight pairs of sneakers):

"I only wear Balamb brand Sneakers… what kind of obscure brand are these?"

What Zell said on the Ninth Day (Nine jugs of Whiskey):

*Hick* "Heeeheeeheee…"

What Zell said on the Tenth Day (Ten pounding headaches):

"I should have known this would happen when I drank all that Whiskey."

What Zell said on the Eleventh Day (Eleven rolls of dressing):

  "What are these for? Bandaging my head? Do these cure hangovers? I'd rather have aspirin…"

What Zell said on the Twelfth Day (Twelve battle scars):

 "Man, I should have guessed it when she gave me the bandages."

What Celestine said after Christmas:

"ZELL DINTCH! YOU'VE GOT THE NERVE COMPLAINING ABOUT MY GIFTS TO YOU WHEN YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A SINGLE FR*GGIN' THING!" (Gives him twenty-five tight slaps.)

Zell: Owww… what a spitfire.


	2. Don't Spend My Gil! By Squall

Christmas Carols FF8 style

Don't spend my Gil 

By Squall

(Sing it to the tune of Silent Night.)

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Oh, I forgot to mention this before… Neither FF8 nor the carols belong to me. Duh… like I really needed to say that.

To appeal to the masses… I have done Squall's Christmas Carol next. This will pale in comparison to the previous one… but still took a lot of diggin' into my fermented brain cells… enjoy. Please read and review!

**********************

Rinny's gone

To~~~ the malls

Tak~ing my

Gil with her

Going in and out

Every shop

Spending madly

On useless stuff

Saying those were for Chris~~tmas~~

Whatever…

Don't spend my Gil!

Rinny's mad

Scowling like hell

Cos I won't

Give her Gil

Cos I don't want to

End up in rags

Why~~ doesn't she

Use her own Gil

What~~~ever…

I don't care

Whatever…

Don't spend my Gil!

***********************

Rinny: Squall Leonhart! What kind of boyfriend are you if you won't let me keep your money? Don't you trust me with it?

Squall looks at her with an expressionless face

Squall: …….whatever……

Rinny (Demanding tone): Don't you know that what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine too?

Squall: …….whatever…… (walks away while Rinny chases after him for his money)

Zell: Hmmm…. Pretty effective. Maybe I'll use the same method the next time.

Celestine: What did you just say? In case you didn't notice, I was the one supplying the moolah!


	3. Fill the Halls By Irvine

Christmas Carols FF8 Style

Fill the Halls

Sung by Irvine

(Sing to the tune of well, "Deck the Halls")

**********************************

Fill the halls with crowds of pretties

Falalalalalalalalala~~

'Tis the season to be flirty

Falalalalalalalalala~~

Brunettes here Redheads there

Falalalalalalalalala~~

Welcome, girlies to my party

Falalalalalalalalala~~

Flirting with a girl called Julie

Falalalalalalalalala~~

Oh no, who's that lookin' angry

Falalalalalalalalala~~

Selphie's coming eyes ablazin'

Falalalalalalalalala~~

Flings her great nunchaku at me

Falalalalalalalalala~~

**********************************

Irvine: Owwwww~~~~ (Rubs the back of his head.)

Selphie: That'll teach you to flirt with someone… and a bimbo at that! I hate bimbos!

Irvine: Does that mean that you won't be mad if I flirt with intelligent girls?

Selphie: IRVINE KINNEAS! You obviously need another taste of my Strange Vision! Eat this!!! Hiiiiiiiiyaaaaaaaak~~~~~~~!

(Sends him flying through the air.)

Rinny: Show me the money!

Squall: …whatever…

Celestine: Zell, what time did you reach your dorm last night? You went to that nondescript (hey!) Water Lily's place again didn't you?

Zell: No, I was at Seifer's dorm.

Celestine: You're lying! Seifer's on a mission!

Zell: Whoops… damn it…


	4. You better watch out! By Selphie

Christmas Carols FF8 Style

You better watch out

By Selphie

(Sing it to the tune of "Santa Claus is coming to Town")

*************************

You better not flirt

You better not lie

You better watch out

I'm telling you why

I will hit you bad if you do

You eye at other girls

When I am still around

You've got the nerve you big bastard

Keep your hands to your~self

Don't think that I don't know

What you do when I'm gone

You'd just as soon bed any girl

Who'll cast a glance at you… hey!

You better not flirt

You better not lie

You better watch out

I'm telling you why

I will hit you bad if you do

*************************

Selphie: Don't let me catch you trying to chat that Julie up again! A little bird tells me that you tried to invite her to your dorm while I was on mission last month!

Irvine: I didn't, honest! The one who told you must be lying… who is he!

Selphie: I'd be damned if I told you my sources of information! (Wrenches his ear like it was a radio knob)

Irvine: Owowowowowowowwwwww~~~!! (Mutters under his breath) That damned Seifer….

Squall: (whispers in a low voice) Actually, it was me heeeheeeheee! Who would have thought, eh?

Rinny: Squallikins~~~ if you don't want Irvine to find out about it, why don't you let me have a look at your bankbook? (flutters her eyelashes coyly)

Squall: ….whatever…. (bored look)

Celestine: ZELL DINTCH! _WHAT_ is that red mark on your neck?

Zell: It's that hickey you gave me on the sixth day of Christmas. Remember?

Celestine: LIAR! It was on the fifth I gave you… why is there an extra one?!!!

Zell: Damn it… failed again…. Owwwww!!!

Author's Notes: The next one up is… Quistis…hehehehhehe!!!


	5. Come listen to me By Quistis

Christmas Carols FF8 Style

Come listen to me

By Quistis

(Sing to the tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful")

******

O come ye Cade-e-ts                 

Listen to my teachings                

To pass your Exa-a-ms

At your first attempts

I will go on~~~

Until you doze off in sleep

O Come listen to me

O Come listen to me

O Come listen to me

Ye Garden Cadets

O come ye Cade-e-ts

Listen to my naggings

Until you despair

Then groan and grab your hair

I will~~~ go on

Until your ears go deaf

O Come listen to me

O Come listen to me

O Come listen to me

Ye Garden Cadets

(String of repetitive instrumental music)

I will go on~~~

Until you doze off in sleep

O Come listen to me

O Come listen to me

O Come listen to me

Ye Garden Cadets

******

Quistis: Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah….. hey! Didn't I say to listen to me?

Everbody: ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…… *Snort….snore…* yeah….. Quisty…mumble mumble….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


	6. I'm Looking for my Mister Right By Rinoa

Christmas Carols FF8 Style

I'm Looking for my Mister Right

By

Rinoa

(Sing it to the tune of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas)

*******Merry Xmas*******

    I'm looking for my Mis~~ter Right

    Who'll lavish loads of Gil on me

    Squall's okay but he's such a scrooge

    He won't let me have~~~ any of his Gil~~~~

    I'm looking for my Mis--ter Right

    Who'll treat me like a La-a-dy 

    Squall is fine but he's just so dumb~~~

    Doesn't e-e-ven pull the chair for me

String of repetitive music

    I'm looking for my Mist---er Right

    Who's great at making love to me

    Squall is good but he's too inex-pe-rien-ced

    Guess I'll train him my-y-self

    I'm looking for my Mist---er Right

    Who doesn't talk back at me

    Squall is great here cos he's so quiet

    And that's what I love the most 'bout him 

*******Merry Xmas*******

    Squall (Shocked expression): ……

    Rinoa: Why are you giving me that kind of look?

    Squall (Thinks to himself): _Inexperienced? Train me? Love me for being quiet? Man… she really knows how to boost my ego._

    Seifer: (Clamps a hand on his shoulder) Puberty Boy… you really live up to your nick.

   Squall takes his gunblade out with a murderous expression

    Seifer: Ahh… forgive me… Puberty BOY… hehehehe

    Squall slices a body part of Seifer's off.

    Seifer: Mmmmphmmmmph!!!

    It was his tongue, what did you think it was?

    Squall: I get second-hand goods at the price I pay?!! I demand an audience with the President of Squaresoft Inc.!

   Some official: Sorry, no can do. The President's off enjoying the many riches he mined out of you… erm I mean he's in a meeting with the shareholders.

    Rinoa: WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY SECOND-HAND GOODS!!!!

   Squall: Whatever… (Now you know why I keep saying that word… it surpasses all with its incredible vagueness and won't offend anyone….)

    Author's Notes: Next one up will be Seifer… and it's the last one. I'll probably post it up on the Eve.


	7. Henpecked Guys By Seifer

Christmas Carols FF8 Style

Henpecked Guys

By Seifer

(Sing it to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!!!

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

Spy on Rin and Squall

She's the mistress of the house

He just says whatever

Even when she's wrong

Look at Chicken-wuss

Smitten with his gal

And she just has to give a yell

And he runs back like hell

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

_Irvy's_ even worse 

Sefie hits him bad

When she catches him

Flirting with other girls

Just who am I to say

And who am I to laugh

Quisty keeps control on me with

A leash around my neck

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways

Henpecked Guys

Henpecked Guys

Bullied all the way

Oh what fun it is to sneer

Smirking at their wimpy ways~~~!!

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

Season's Greetings!

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^

    Quisty: Hmm… this one doesn't match with your coat… maybe I should get a leather lease… what do you think?

    Seifer (mutters to no one in particular): I'm starting to think that maybe Squall wasn't so dumb with his monosyllabic answer after all.

    Celestine (Zell's girl in my fics): ZELL! What is this lacy thing hanging from the back of your pocket?!!! How dare you, you perverted ten-minute guy!

    Zell: (red-faced): That was supposed to be your Christmas prezzie… did ya hafta shout it out for all to know?

    Celestine: Oops… but it was the truth anyway.

    Squall: What's the deal with the ten minutes?

    Rinoa: Squall… tsk tsk… you need a lot more training from what I observe.

    Squall: Whatever…

    Zell: Where's Sefie and Irvine?

    Rinoa: She caught him, yet again, doing the hanky-panky with another girl… I think she's urging him to try on his Christmas present from her.

    Zell: Which is?

    Rinoa: I think it was the male version of the chastity belt… *snigger*

    Zell: ?????

    Author's Notes: 

    In order for this Carol to take effect, please imagine for a moment that Rinoa/Squall, Zell/Whatever Girl, Irvine/Selphie and last but not least, Quistis/Seifer were already married… not too difficult is it? If your ideal combination isn't like that, just swap the names around, and you get your desired carol… hehehe.


End file.
